By Beverleigh H Piepers
Being honest takes a lot of courage for many people. After all, telling people what you really think and feel puts you in particularly vulnerable state. For some people, being vulnerable is the height of losing control. This can make it very difficult for you to be open with your partner even if you are married to them. Some people are much more introverted and reserved about their feelings, and this can make it very hard for them to say what they truly think and feel.
The first thing you have to do is figure out why you are so scared to be open and honest with your partner. After all, this is the person you should feel most comfortable with in the world. If you are married or in a long-term dating situation, this is the person you have chosen to spend the bulk of your time with. You should be able to tell them what is on your heart or in your mind. If you feel like you can't, you have to decide whether that is a problem you have or, if it's something about the other person helping to make you feel uncomfortable talking to them.
Think back to your childhood. Were your parents overly critical? Were you told to be seen and not heard? Some people seem to have a very hard time speaking up or defending themselves. You have to be aware just because you have an opinion you want to share doesn't mean people will stop liking you or loving you. If they do, they were never the right person for you to begin with.
A good partner will be understanding when you tell them it is hard for you to open up. Set aside some time to sit down with your partner and go about it slowly. Explain to them you have been hurt in the past, or that you don't like the feeling of vulnerability you get. However, you've got to get past those feelings in order to communicate effectively in a long-term, healthy relationship.
If you have a secret you have been keeping, it can be particularly hard to open up to your partner. This is especially true if you know what you have to say will hurt them. Infidelity is one such example of this. However, keeping secrets is only going to ruin the relationship in the end. Being honest and getting over the fear of telling the secret is critical to having any chance of saving your relationship.
Learn about yourself... what makes you this way? Are destructive emotions at the heart of the problems you are experiencing with your relationship? If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself and look at your beliefs?
For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.
The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give... it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
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