In the midst of great progress in my spiritual journey, a storm has erupted. It is at times like these when our truths are challenged and we lose our way temporarily. I recently got into a huge altercation with someone that is very dear to me. Many people are affected by this and there is no shortage of suffering to go around about this situation. Since I spend most of my time writing and studying the concepts behind living a joyous and unlimited life, when you become crippled by hurt or anger, it is quite humbling and painful.
I am just beginning to start on my second book about spiritual awakening and using spiritual power to liberate ourselves from conditioned limitations. So, for several months I have been deeply studying and then writing about my first focus in the book, which is the spiritual power of love. If you really think about it, there are only two ways of doing things - out of love and out of fear. Everything else is a subset of one of those qualities. When we truly act out of unconditional love, then nothing can stand in our way for peace, joy, abundance, and love.
When this incident erupted quite suddenly out of this peaceful and uplifting time of beginning this book, my first reaction was to think about how this situation could be a blessing incognito. That first night, I spent a good deal of time meditating/contemplating about the possible lesson in this situation. I felt calmed the next day, but not rooted. I couldn't shake the uneasiness in my mind and body. Later, a new development evolved that crumbled what remaining calmness I had left. I could literally feel myself be consumed by an emotion that I very rarely felt these days - and that is raw anger.
A couple days later, although no resolution was made, time and more deep study eased some of the tension, but I knew that I had to face my loved one with my thoughts. I dived into my practices to regain my peace before this meeting and I gained many great insights but at the moment of the meeting, the only one attending for me, was the ego self. I began the meeting angry and forceful with my views. I felt justified, no doubt, and the meeting ended quite badly with new heights of anger and division. Although, my close loved ones were compassionate and supportive of my stance, my remorse and my hypocrisy of my spiritual "persona" stung. Where was the love that I just wrote about one short week ago in a book I hoped to inspire many regarding the enormous power of it?
I knew that rumination about the situation was not helpful to anyone, but small tidbits of information that kept coming to me were fanning the flame of this highly volatile situation. I felt a literal heaviness of heart that it had come to this, and that I had no immediate solution to the problem either. Years of a spiritual practice that I cherished and promote all of the sudden seemed very far away. After moments of deep meditation or study, I began to feel released, free, and inspired, and then bam, something new would be said and I could feel my whole being fill with liquid darkness. What was I hanging on to that kept this suffering alive? Intellectually I could see the path, but instinctively, from a human survival standpoint, I couldn't walk in it.
Then during my studying I came across these passages from the Bible:
Matthew 13: 45 -46
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls:
Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.
For me, the pearl of great price was the very thing that was on my mind before this whole thing started in the first place - Love. Only Love is worth giving up everything to cherish. No one seeks and finds this precious pearl without working hard to pry open its' outer casing. There are many ways to crack open the shell, but pain/suffering is definitely one of them, as well as deep meditation, service to others, compassion, and wisdom. The prize inside - Love - is the answer to every human problem. The Kingdom of Heaven that we seek is the Divine Love that is already present within and around us, in fact it is us. It became evident to me that if I am not acting out of Love, I must be in fear. It's really that simple.
Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.
For me, the pearl of great price was the very thing that was on my mind before this whole thing started in the first place - Love. Only Love is worth giving up everything to cherish. No one seeks and finds this precious pearl without working hard to pry open its' outer casing. There are many ways to crack open the shell, but pain/suffering is definitely one of them, as well as deep meditation, service to others, compassion, and wisdom. The prize inside - Love - is the answer to every human problem. The Kingdom of Heaven that we seek is the Divine Love that is already present within and around us, in fact it is us. It became evident to me that if I am not acting out of Love, I must be in fear. It's really that simple.
When I think and act from Love, then I can have 100% certainty of my path. The voice in my head that insists on getting the last word in, or making sure my point is understood and recognized by anyone, or seeking compensation for my pain, is the voice of fear. When I am filled with Love, there are no needs to fill, because I am whole now.
The process to turn this truth into a human reality is a work in progress, but I know that any work that I do to walk in the lighted path of Love cannot be diminished. I will be challenged, certainly, but years of living in a fearful and "small" mind will be slowly chipped away as light begins to pervade the darkest areas of my mind. These challenges are the growing contractions of becoming free.
I have a renewed sense of purpose now and I will be meeting the remaining challenges of this situation in Love. If I stumble, I will not dwell in ANY way upon the fall, but celebrate the rising up from it.
I wanted to share this personal experience with you to hopefully inspire you as well, and frankly, the writing of my thoughts and my newest intentions has helped me too. Life can throw us some mean hardballs sometimes, but blessings come from these challenges also, and the moment we see and experience the blessing within the suffering, then we too have found the pearl of great price. Blessings - Joleen
Joleen Halloran is the author of Finding Home - Breaking Free from Limits under the pseudo name of Joleen Bridges. This book represents over 10 years of research and inspiration in personal and spiritual empowerment and provides readers with a pathway to overcome limits and discover authentic divine qualities in their lives and to live a life of unbounded freedom..
Beyond Joleen's professional life, she is an avid reader and researcher of books and other materials related to her profession, but also to her special passion, which is metaphysical and spirituality topics. You can find out more about Joleen's book at her books website, http://www.breakingfreefromlimits.com. Additional articles of a spiritual and inspirational nature can be found at the book's website as well. The book is available for purchase at Amazon and B&N.
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