Having the Maturity to Stay in a Relationship

This means that each individual must take an inventory, admit, and want to be personally accountable for personal shortcomings. People need to learn to grow together and personally mature in the process. Let me clarify, I am not speaking about growing with an alcoholic or addict, an emotionally, physically or verbally abusive person, or someone who is not receiving treatment for mental illness. I am referring to emotionally healthy people with bad habits and some character flaws. An example would be someone who is "spoiled" and used to relationships with people catering to their whims. Therefore, they enter a relationship with another person having unrealistic expectations, making demands, and turning minor situations into major sources of contention. This can result in countless arguments, conflict and usually dissolution of the relationship which is completely unnecessary if the person would begin to work with their "spoiled" condition. This is just an example and there are countless more that I could have given. The point that I am making is that it is all about self-examination and maturing. How many relationships have you been through in the last year? Or is the relationship that you are in full of conflict? I could be talking about you.

If you are saying to yourself, "She's talking about me. But I don't know where to begin or how to start working this out." First, ask yourself are you an alcoholic, addict, emotionally, physically or verbally abusive person? If you think you are, are not sure or know that you are in a relationship with a person that meets any of these criteria, then you need to seek professional mental health services as soon as possible. Next, ask yourself, "Do I have any immature behaviors that need to change"? What can I realistically change that can make a big difference in my relationships? Identify those behaviors and then commit to changing them.

Identifying behavior is only the beginning though. Remember, that change takes time and you should not try to change a lot all at once. Changing takes hard work and dedication because most of us have had many character flaws and bad habits since early in life. If you begin to have trouble, don't give up. Seek professional help if necessary. Keep in mind, healthy relationships are worth all of the time and effort expended. People who are in healthy relationships have some of the greatest joys in life. Make sure you are one of them!

Tamara Ferebee, MEd is a licensed professional counselor that has been practicing therapy since 1993. She is an adjunct professor at a number of colleges in the behavioral sciences. She has also worked in a variety of other settings and particularly enjoys working with families, couples, multicultural populations, women, churches and the bereaved. For more information on healthy relationships please visit http://www.thehealingtrees.com

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