A few days ago I was surprised to find an email update in my in-box from Dr. Martin Seligman about his new book "Flourish: A new theory of Positive Psychology". I was even more surprised to find that one of his 'discoveries' was the importance of positive relationships as a basic element of wellbeing. It's always seemed to me that probably the most obvious of all the essential components of wellbeing is Connection - our relationships with others.
Other people really do matter!
One of the worst forms of punishment for anyone is solitary confinement. Being shunned, ignored, isolated or 'sent to Coventry' are all ways we're taught to understand the power of social approval. Having a social network gives us a sense of social status, of belonging to the wider group, enhances our self esteem. Giving and receiving attention, friendship, intimacy, being part of a wider community - these are all emotional needs we have as human beings.
International wellbeing research studies have found that a sense of participation in social and community life is a significant factor in improving levels of self worth and positive feelings. In their report, Five Ways to Wellbeing, the New Economics Foundation (nef) summarises the evidence saying that "social relationships are critical for promoting wellbeing and acting as a buffer against mental ill-health".
Someone with a low level of mental wellbeing may find it hard to meet new people, and find that as they get older their social circle diminishes. People who find themselves unemployed may feel unable to replace the connections they took for granted in the workplace. Redundancy and retirement are two major life changes which carry a high risk of common mental ill-health problems, partly because of the loss of social networks and sense of belonging associated with all forms of employment. If someone's not that keen on either their colleagues or the work, it can be especially hard to recognise the importance of renegotiating new social networks, or to feel the confidence to put yourself out there.
And typically, anyone experiencing mental ill-health for whatever reason will often feel very cut off and isolated from close relationships, and may cut themselves off from their social network. The stigma and discrimination associated with mental ill-health is a further contributory factor, making it particularly difficult for someone to re-engage with work, learning or social activities.
However it's certainly not the case that any relationships are good for mental wellbeing. Some relationships can drain energy, undermine through negative and pessimistic messages, or exploit and use or abuse others.
So what are the ways in which people can build more positive relationships and more supportive social networks?
One way is to notice who are the people who support and encourage, who bring in the 'feel good' factor, and make a conscious choice to spend more time with them.
A second way is to learn and improve social skills and emotional intelligence. Often people are unaware of very basic techniques about how to start up a conversation, or how to interpret the responses and reactions of others.
A third route is through contributing and giving to others. Whether this is through 'random acts of kindness', or volunteering time and skills to a good cause, or giving of love and attention freely to others, research has found that 'giving' reaps its own rewards in terms of connecting with others in a meaningful way and enhancing self worth.
Carolyn Barber, Bsc (Hons), CQSW, is the founder of Wayfinder Associates, a social care training and consultancy business specialising in team development, independent supervision and staff wellbeing. As a serial social entrepreneur, Carolyn has developed community based programmes to promote understanding of mental wellbeing using positive solution focused approaches.
Carolyn has over 30 years experience in social care as practitioner, trainer, researcher and manager, working across public, voluntary and independent sectors.
GSCC registration no: 1074227
Linked In profile: http://uk.linkedin.com/in/carolynbarber
For more information about Take Five wellbeing resources and programmes, go to http://www.meetrelaxlearncreate.co.uk
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carolyn_Barber
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